I have a deep passion and commitment to the ongoing development of spiritually strong and emotionally healthy individuals, marriages, families, leaders and cultures, helping you achieve your God-designed and appointed destiny.
All in Forgiveness
It all began when I realized I’d had it all wrong. Way wrong. Although difficult to admit, I was tired of what I call “white-knuckling” my relationship with Jesus – trying to be who I thought He wanted me to be and what others told me I should be. Always falling short. Always filled with shame.
I want to start this post by saying I know I’m not going to say everything correctly. I know I may inadvertently offend someone. I will get some, if not many, of the words wrong. Please know that causing hurt is not my heart. This post is a response to being convicted recently by Pastor John Gray’s challenge to speak up even though we may get it wrong…to not wait until we feel we have the perfect words to say…but to go ahead and just say something. Anything! Because saying nothing is indifference.
In this demanding, over-stimulated and over-scheduled world in which we live, Soul Weariness is epidemic. It’s destroying lives, families, careers and churches in its wake. Anxiety, loss of enjoyment of life, and depression are the result. Many are just hanging on, when they want to move ahead. Some are in a deep rut, or even paralyzed, as clarity of purpose and vision have vanished. With this in mind, how do you know if you are Soul Weary? What are the symptoms? And once identified, what do you do?
Recently, I was a bit taken back by the Facebook post of a former high school classmate. I believed it to be more profound than could be understood at first glance, causing me to mull it over for a couple of days. It made me want to have a conversation regarding the deeper meaning. Some may have thought it was just simply sweet. I thought it was more than that.
Above this picture of two happy, handsome, middle-aged men – one black, the other white - were these words written by Bryan Pittman:
I come from the belief (and experience) that friendships can be really, really good…or so troublesome that they make you want to hightail it to somewhere off the Appalachian Trail, completely off the grid, and live a life of total and complete solitude without TV, social media or Diet Dr. Pepper. It’s that’s serious.
I hadn’t asked myself what I wanted in life, my marriage, my pursuits, and as a woman in…well, maybe never. It seemed as if I had always piggy-backed on other people’s wants, needs and desires. As a good Christian wife and mother, isn’t that was I was supposed to do?
There I was again – too much to do and too little time to do it. Honestly, it seemed to be the story of my life these past months. You’d think with the kids grown and gone; I’d be getting more - not less - done. In the past it wasn’t a problem. I was practical a machine! Being someone with what seemed to be endless energy, each day would begin with a mental, or better yet, written list of all that needed to be accomplished. I always knew how much I could get done, almost down to the minute. I considered myself to a Time Management Master.
What is this source of conflict between frustration and exhaustion that happens when we attempt to muster with every bit of our strength, an offering to give to God that, by our standards, is both flawless and acceptable? Then when we fail (as we inevitably do), we spiral down the “Christian Shame Vortex”, giving up completely. “It’s useless. I just don’t have what it takes. I can’t get this thing right.”
We beat ourselves up about fear, especially when we know that God tells us we have no need to fear. We can be really hard on ourselves, convinced that there is something very wrong with us. “If I trusted God enough, I wouldn’t be struggling with this! Can’t I just get over it? How many times do I have to turn this over to God?!”At times, shame and guilt can seem to overwhelm us because we fear.
When I walk…I walk fast. Not speed walker fast, but fast enough that some of my friends to refuse to walk with me. “Slow down!” they say. Really? What’s the use of walking, if you don’t walk fast? I mean, burning calories is the goal, right?
“To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself – means to fight the hardest battle which
any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.”
Why do we do it? Why do we compare? We know it’s a black hole. It won’t help, nor will it solve any issues. In fact, it makes issues much larger and bigger than they already are! So why do we insist on carrying on this love affair with comparison?
The blinders, which had slowly been building on my spiritual eyes over a timespan of at least 25 years, had been removed. I was finally seeing things clearly for the first time – I had become downright MILITANT in my daily quest to spend time with God – checking off the “boxes” of scripture reading, as if that alone would get me close to Him. In my quest to be disciplined, I had slowly, but surely, excluded God from a time that was intended for intimacy
The outcome of our willingly (and even knowingly) subjecting ourselves to everyone’s polished persona and comparing our lives with their pics (most of which have been altered or filtered), has resulted in nothing less than GRAND THEFT, stealing our confidence, self-respect, uniqueness, healthy body image, focus, and peace. For goodness sake, it’s even taken our money, as we’ve gone out and tried to purchase the life we’ve seen depicted on our phone screens!
Trust me – there’s a huge difference between “Get me a glass of water!" and “Would you please get me a glass of water?” The result of the latter being a glass of water; the result of the former being a death glance, possibly accompanied by afore-mentioned glass being thrown across the room (which may or may not have happened in our first year of marriage).
If we are to be effective in our mission and purpose, vulnerability and authenticity are required. We have to be honest, imperfect in living it out - flaws and all. We can't pretend to be superhuman or perfected in our execution of our mission - just authentic and real, flaws and all. The world has had enough fake. It wants real. This goes for the Christian community as well.
Yes, Christmas is indeed the most wonderful time of the year! But not for everyone. Christmas can hold thoughts, memories, and realities that are nothing short of painful. And as much as you attempt to join in the festivities, sadness and/or straight up depression seem to chase you through the season much like a lion in pursuit to devour his prey. Running as fast as you can, you’re actually breathless and overwhelmed with the possibility of succumbing to the very beast you know has been defeated by the birth of the One you celebrate.
Crappy stuff has happened. Thing’s haven’t turned out as expected. You’re holding on to every remaining ounce of faith you possess, believing that God is at work in the midst of it all. In fact, you know He is, because when you look back, you recall circumstances, events, and situations in which He’s orchestrated such happenings that cannot be chalked up to mere coincidence.
