The Guttural Cry that I Hear

I want to start this post by saying I know I’m not going to say everything correctly.  I know I may inadvertently offend someone. I will get some, if not many, of the words wrong. Please know that causing hurt is not my heart.   This post is a response to being convicted recently by Pastor John Gray’s challenge to speak up even though we may get it wrong…to not wait until we feel we have the perfect words to say…but to go ahead and just say something. Anything!  Because saying nothing is indifference.

I confess that I’m guilty.  I’ve allowed fear to keep me quiet.  Not fear of being firm in my beliefs…that’s actually the easy part.  But rather fear that I will say the wrong thing, be misunderstood, or offend those that I respect and love who just happen to have different skin color than I do. Fear resulting from knowing that I don’t understand and I don’t get it.

I mistakenly believed that loving everyone equally in the day-to-day – whatever your color -  was enough.  I’m now questioning this, as to love well, words must accompany our actions.  

One of my main mantras has always been, “I never have the right to be rude to anyone. Never.”  This conviction stems from deep within.  Even if I am on the receiving end of anger, rudeness, hate or disrespect…I have no right to be rude in return.  Why?  Because all human beings deserve respect, and just because others may behave badly, doesn’t mean I should behave badly in return.  

Although this has been a good and right standard…I believe I’ve allowed it to result in fear of being misunderstood, coming across the wrong way, offending…you name it.  It’s caused me to not say anything at times, when perhaps something desperately needed to be said.

So, as you read this, I ask that you please imagine me sitting across from you, holding you in high esteem; loving what we have in common and also loving all the ways we differ.  Envision our having an open and safe conversation with no judgement, but rather a genuine curiosity about what the other person has experienced and what they believe.  Imagine mutual respect, despite our having differing opinions.  Visualize compassion and empathy being the goal.

Most importantly, imagine us both experiencing the presence of God as we converse about what is going on in our country and world right now, but more importantly, what’s going on in you.

Imagine that.

I know I don’t have the answers.  For sure.  As a result, this week I have been seeking individuals who can patiently and clearly help me understand to a greater degree white privilege, oppression, civil rights matters…and the list goes on.  Both my husband and I have had many conversations. We want to learn.  We really do want to get it.

I may not know what it’s like to be disrespected because of my color.  Or walk in fear down a street, wondering if a police officer is going to wrongly accuse me.  Or panic when I get pulled over, wondering how this thing is going to go. Or be on the receiving end of mean-spirited, demeaning comments regarding my race.  Or be disregarding as a human being because I don’t look like you.  Or have to fight twice as hard for…well, lots of things.  Or be unjustly accused, or dismissed, or patronized…all because I’m not white.

But regardless of all I can’t imagine, I can empathize with the guttural cry that I hear…

To be understood

Heard

Respected

Acknowledged

Validated

Counted

Trusted

Blessed

Seen

To be LOVED.

That I get. My reasons may be a bit different.  Your pain and trauma may look extremely dissimilar to mine. And your history and mine may not look alike in any way.

But we’re all children of God who have value and worth.  We all want to be validated and heard. In that, we are identical. This need literally comes from our gut. It’s deep and it’s all-encompassing.

When I look at the life of Jesus, I see God in the form of man answering this cry by valuing human life like no other – whether it was a rich young ruler, a tax collector, a disciple, a prostitute, a demoniac…it didn’t matter.  He assigned value, worth, respect and honor to each and every life. Jesus knew that as humans, we long for love and respect.  He could see into the true souls of those around Him, regardless of what they looked like on the outside, and value them as priceless children of God. He heard their guttural cry.

Isn’t that what we, as humans, all want?

But to many, if not all, of my friends of color, this is what you have been denied.  And for this, my heart aches. For this, I lament and ask your forgiveness.  I believe, perhaps for the first time, that I am hearing your cry more clearly.  Please forgive my taking so long. Please forgive my ignorance.  

You deserve all these good things and more – to be understood, heard, respected, acknowledged, loved, validated, counted, trusted, blessed and seen.  You deserve to be listened to with empathic, patient, non-judgmental ears of someone who sees you as the priceless child of God that you are.  You deserve to be cherished and understood.  You deserve for us to hear your anguish. To not turn away.  To acknowledge, have compassion and sit with you in the darkness of your pain.

I ask you to please educate me.  Help me learn.  Help my empathy and compassion in this area to grow.  Help me to be a better friend.

Thank you in advance for your graciousness with all of my blunders in this post.

Please forgive my not always getting it right – starting with this post.  I just want you to know that I hear and I care.

I’m so sorry and it breaks my heart that it took the loss of yet another black life for us to listen.

Much love always,

Cammie