Braving the Wild of Relationships

Sometimes people can be a pain in the booty.  Seriously, there are emotions, feelings, expectations, likes, dislikes, and all other sorts of potential storms involved when you brave the wild to truly connect with another human being – especially, it seems, in the form of friendships.

I come from the belief (and experience) that friendships can be really, really good…or so troublesome that they make you want to hightail it to somewhere off the Appalachian Trail, completely off the grid, and live a life of total and complete solitude without TV, social media or Diet Dr. Pepper.  It’s that’s serious. 

I’ve been burnt. We probably all have some time or another.  Friendships, relationships, partnerships…seem to be going fine, until, BAM! You get knocked upside the head by misunderstanding, offense, discontentment or just plain anger, and all that you thought was real…seems to be an illusion. 

There have been days when I said, “I’m done! This is too hard!”   There have been other times when I’ve asked, “What’s the matter with me? Why does this keep happening?” And there’s been occasion when I’ve declared, “I’m tired.  I just don’t have what it takes.”  But when I get to that point…it’s then that I realize I’m undeniably alone. And being alone, well, is lonely.  There’s no giving, no taking, challenging, inspiration, encouragement or just plain fun. I’m functioning…but on all cylinders? I think not. It’s at this point that I can’t deny – life isn’t meant to be lived without friendships.

I’ll be honest. Relationships haven’t always come easy for me.  As an “8” on the Enneagram…I can be a hard cookie. It takes me a while to trust others. I’m honest – sometimes brutally so.  Authenticity is a huge value for me.  I hate fake, so you gotta bring your real self to the table, or don’t even take a seat. I can also be a bit “feeling” repressed – because who has time for that?!   To me, what is black-and-white simple, is actually quite complex, demanding, and a bit overwhelming for many.  Offense is easy for me to let go. When conflict arises, I speak my peace and then move on. The problem is, those around me are reeling from what I just “unloaded” on them. Yep, it takes a brave person to be my friend.

But the truth is, there’s a wonderful side to me as well – I’m honest, funny, passionate and caring. Yes, I might forget your birthday, but if you get stuck in a sticky situation, or need help on the side of the road?  I’m there! I may not be able to change your tire, but I’ll bring you a Chick-fil-A ice tea complete with laughs and a listening ear while we wait for the real help to arrive. I’ll inspire, encourage and even challenge you. I’m a great listener.  I’ll not be afraid to have deep conversations in which you’ll feel safe to state your REAL opinion, knowing that judgment will not be waiting on the other side.

I believe there’s both a wonderful and a challenging side to all of us.  The trick is enjoying and appreciating both.  

I can’t deny that God – both Who He is and How He is – IS relationship. He’s in perfect union with Himself, His Son and Holy Spirit; perfectly illustrating our own need for relationship, balance, compensation and union.  It’s how God chose to be.  It’s how He chose US to be. In fact, when we chose to live completely independently, void of relationships and partnerships, we remove ourselves out of context of God’s design for us, ceasing to live the fulfilled life that He designed – in partnership and fellowship with others. 

Mother Teresa said it this way… “We’ve simply forgotten that we belong to each other.”  God created us to belong to one another – to love, share, give, take, encourage, inspire, challenge and at times even correct.  He made us to be dependent – not the life-sucking, co-dependent, “please leave me alone” type of dependence…but the loving, caring, sharing, blessing, give-and-take dependence that brings life, security and growth. The type of dependence and partnership that God Himself embodies in relationship with His Son and Holy Spirit.

As I ponder this humble realization, I am challenged…what am I going to do?  The answer?  Try to be Jesus to those I come into contact with; be honest, vulnerable, empathetic and authentic in my encounters, sacrificing time for relationships and community – something that goes deeper than “I’m fine” or “let’s get together.”  Find those with whom I can honestly be me, while at the same time, provide a safe place where others can be themselves.

It’s time to be challenged. It’s time for relationships.  It’s worth the price.  We can’t help but try.

How do you do relationships? Are they easy or difficult? What are your challenges?  The benefits? How are you going to make time to connect with others?

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!  Thank you for reading and sharing!