Our Journey - Finding Joy in the Waiting

Whether it be waiting in line, waiting for an answer, waiting for dinner, or waiting for my computer to get moving…I hate to wait.  I seriously do.  It’s frustrating and beyond aggravating. Perhaps this is due to some genetic flaw, or maybe it's just part of my quirky personality.  Or just maybe it’s because (in my mind) waiting seems to be the ultimate destroyer or productivity.

For someone whose end goal is most often that of progress, waiting can present a dilemma of grand proportions.  It's as if your battle cry, “Time’s-a-wasting!” falls upon deaf ears, driving you to inner madness.  “Doesn’t anyone care that nothing’s happening?!”

Obviously, to say waiting has been a life-long struggle, is a grand understatement. It’s as if I’ve placed myself in the position of judge and jury, determining the speed and direction in which everyone or everything around me should move - even God Himself. When non-movement is the perceived response, judgmentalism can ensue, causing me to be frustrated with the world and God alike. Although I am sure there are “groups” for people like me, please tell me I’m not the only one!

Then there are those who don’t seem to mind waiting at all. Sometimes they even seem to enjoy it.  I ask myself, how the heck do they do it? How are they able to “patiently endure” whatever comes their way? How do they stand so still, confident that all will work out? And how can they even experience joy, when the outcome has yet to be obtained?

Proving true that opposites do indeed attract, in most cases, Stan falls into this category. Being a man who takes time to “smell the roses,” invest in relationships, and notice what’s going on around him, during our 33 years of marriage, whether it be waiting in line or driving across the country in four days (which honestly, could have been done in two), he is a constant reminder to not be so consumed with the destination that you don’t enjoy the journey.

I stand both in awe and frustration of this trait – yet I am beginning to understand that he lives at a level of blessedness in which I have not. I realize I’ve been blind most of my life, racing from destination to destination in a quest to cross the finish line, as if that in and of itself brings the blessing.  Could it be that there is not only greater joy to be discovered in the waiting, but a higher level of blessing and delight as well?

We’ve experienced several times of waiting since receiving the diagnosis of cardiomyopathy, a weak ejection fraction, and congestive heart failure, this past April.  So far, I believe I’ve navigated them fairly well, learning much along the way.  However, we have now found ourselves in one of the most challenging of waiting periods to date – final confirmation that Stan’s heart is indeed healed. 

Very talented and gifted doctors have been consulted.  Treatment has been rendered. Both Stan and I have been given very clear direction from both God and those who know much more than we do.  Medications continue to be taken. We have researched, read, and read some more. We have changed diets and Stan daily ingests more supplements than any human possibly should.  We have leaned into the pain, looking for the lessons to be learned, as opposed to running from or numbing the pain.  We have cultivated thankful hearts.  We have sought Him in His Word, and most importantly we have prayed, prayed, and prayed some more.

We have done everything we possibly can as if it depends on us, knowing that it depends on Him.  The echocardiogram, which will confirm his healing, is scheduled for July 31st. In faith, plans are being made for Stan to return to work soon thereafter.

So now we wait. 

If we are being tested, it’s a test I want to pass. While waiting, I want to experience God in a new and fresh way sensing His presence, as I excitedly plan for the miraculous.  I want to feel His peace, obliterating all angst and restlessness.  I want to experience my mind constantly being on Him, and from the depth of my soul, understanding “You will keep him (or her) in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3-4)

I want to wholeheartedly say from the deepest part of me, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him and He will save us. This is the Lord; we waited for Him we will be glad and rejoice in the waiting.”  (Isaiah 25:9)

I want to be so desirous of knowing Him more, that I authentically proclaim, “Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You; the desire of our soul is for Your Name and for the remembrance of You.” (Isaiah 26:8)

And I want be patient, knowing that sometimes, for whatever reason, God waits to bring His mercy, grace and blessings, as He is more concerned with His end goal for us than our immediate satisfaction… “Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all those who wait for Him.” (Isaiah 30:18).

Could this be “patient endurance,” that highly sought after and needed trait required for our ultimate perseverance?

We’re all waiting for something.  If we’re not presently, we’ve just finished waiting, or we’re getting ready to wait.  Whatever your situation, I invite you to discover the joy in the waiting with me.  I hope these words have brought you a bit of comfort, or perhaps inspiration and encouragement as you learn to wait well.

As always, thank you.  Your love, kindness, prayers and encouragement mean the world to us.  Throughout this process, we have seen more than ever that God is a good, good Father – and He has used many of you to illustrate this perfectly.

Much love,

Cammie (and Stan)