Our Journey Continues - Sacrificing Desires
After 25 plus years of consistently reading God’s Word, it never ceases to amaze me how you can read a particular scripture countless times, only to have it resurface in a new and powerful light, impacting you with a truth that is not only encouraging, but can sometimes shake you to your core, causing you to do some drastic re-evaluation. Such an occurrence reinforces the truth that His Word is living and active, never diminishing, and ever-empowering.
This very experience occurred yesterday morning when, once again, I came upon Psalm 37:3-4:
“Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
As I have pondered these verses in the past, I’ve consistently understood them to extend the simple, yet profound promise of my desires being met should I delight (have intimate relationship) with Jesus. It was my belief that upon delighting and trusting in Him, my desires couldn’t help but be answered.
However, this time, as if blinders had been removed from my eyes, I realized that it wasn’t about my own personal desires being met, but God literally giving me HIS desires to replace those of my own. Although seemingly simple, I knew it was profound, begging me to ask the question, what if upon my trusting and delighting in Him, which would cause me to encounter a new level of contentment, would the ultimate result then, and only then, be His instilling His own desires within me? I then had to go a step further…am I willing to do this? Am I able to lay down my selfishness, pride, and presupposition, and give Him absolute control of my entire life, including my desires? Would I be willing to put my own desires to death, exchanging them for His?
Upon arriving at a position of complete humility, I find this a somewhat frightening prospect. However, upon further reflection, I come to an understanding that I would have it no other way. Why in the world would I want to cling to my own desires, as they are of no value or power, as His desires are what shapes my life and His world?
As I translate this over to our journey of seeking complete healing for Stan, as well as unabandoned intimacy with Jesus, I find myself wondering if mine and Stan’s hopes or desired outcomes, future plans, and even current navigations, are that of our own, or have they been instilled in us by God Himself? With this prospect of complete delight, trust and sacrifice, I can’t help but wonder if we’ve been short-changing ourselves at times, believing our desires will be fulfilled by Him, not realizing they are quite possibly complete rubbish compared to His. If this is the case, how we’ve been fooled!
With this new revelation, I find myself looking at each and every situation, doctor visit, good and/or bad news, fear, delay, frustration and aggravation a bit differently, as I now desire all outcomes to be filtered through that of God’s desires that have been placed within me. I am constantly asking if the desires of my heart have been birthed out of my own power, or that of the Holy Spirit?
I was able to put this new outlook to the test on Wednesday, as we had a full day of doctor’s appointments. I began my day pondering, even daydreaming, about desired outcomes. Surely they were God’s as well. The appointments resulted in confirmation that Stan’s health continues to improve and increase. His lungs are now completely clear – no more “crackle” sounds, and his stamina is inching closer and closer to normal. His color is fantastic; his weight is down to 200 lbs. (not bad for a 6 ft. 1 in. 56 year old man), his voice has returned to its strong state, and he’s as handsome as ever!
However, one particular appointment (regarding sleep apnea and the most effective course of treatment) didn’t turn out quite the way we thought it would. No huge disappointments; just a bit of questions and delay. As it turns out, Stan doesn’t have your run-of-the-mill sleep apnea (surprise, surprise), but a more unique form, wherein his brain is forgetting to tell him to breathe. This will require one or two more sleep studies and ultimately a “Mac Daddy” type of machine that will allow his heart to rest at night, enabling his brain to communicate the need to rhythmically breathe. Bottom line – more treatment delay, red tape with the insurance company, and waiting.
But if I believe God’s desires for us are good, what if His greatest outcome for us involves this seemingly inconvenient detour and delay? With this thought in mind, I then must completely hand over the days, weeks and years ahead – trusting Him with how Stan’s healing will play out.
As we see Stan’s heart and body making its way to full health and wholeness, we are convinced more than ever not only of God’s goodness, but of his utterly incredible desires for our lives. My prayer each day is, “With all my heart, I love you Sovereign Lord. Tomorrow let me love You even more,” With this in mind, I find that as I fall more deeply in love with Him, I am able to confidently, humbly, and more securely desire to be completed emptied of anything other than His desires, resulting in amazing contentment and freedom.
My prayer for you is that you find a bit of encouragement and/or inspiration in our journey. As always, we cannot thank you enough for your prayers and encouragement. Each of you are truly a gift straight from God. Our prayer is that you experience His most abundant blessings during this time. We love and appreciate you greatly!
Cammie (and Stan)
