Our Journey Continues - The Power of Empathy
Over past months, whether it be through personal encounters or observation, it has become overwhelmingly apparent that one of the greatest attributes lacking in our society, ministry, business, and most importantly, relationships, is that of empathy. As Stan and I have continued on this journey to complete health and wholeness, obliterating cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure, while learning the lessons, leaning into the pain, and increasing our intimacy with Christ, this realization has become increasingly clear as it continues to daily intersectwith our lives.
In my usual manner of bluntness (both a blessing and a curse), it is a bit astounding to me how much the church-at-large has adapted the business/world definition of strength and success, exchanging it for the Godly, Holy Spirit inspired attributes we find in the life of Jesus Christ. In that He the greatest leader and relationship expert to ever walk the earth, I have to ask the question, “What the heck do we think we’re doing?!”
Take the attribute of meekness, for example. Seems to no longer be considered a real strength, at least in the church, as quite often it is quickly exchanged for power, influence, and an occasional display of supposed strength by the raising of voices and the pounding of one’s fist in a demonstrative effort to show who’s boss.
How foolish it is to no longer strive or seek meekness, as when it is obtained we are living out the very character of Christ Himself. It is then that we understand, with great emotional and spiritual health, that meekness certainly isn’t weakness, but rather a mighty, Holy Spirit-empowered force of strength and power under control.
As we’ve ventured through these past weeks, I’ve come to realize that the same can be said of empathy, as it seems in that empathy can be somewhat inconvenient, undesirable even. Could it be that this mighty gift has been lost and/or discarded for something less relational and personal? Empathy, when exercised in relationships, church, and leadership, requires a great cost from the giver. Vulnerability, time and selflessness are the currency, as listening, observation and placing oneself in the other’s shoes is required. They payoff is both worthwhile and priceless - seeing another’s life and challenges from their own personal perspective.
In truth, empathy's power and influence is something to behold - a beautiful demonstration of the wisdom, discernment, mercy, grace and power of Jesus Christ. Often misunderstood for sympathy, (feelings of pity or sorrow for someone else’s misfortune), many believe to possess it, when in fact, most are in great lack.
Leadership coach and blogger Tanveer Naseer describes true empathy as “being able to understand the needs of others. It means that you’re aware of their feelings and how it impacts their perception. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with how they see things; rather, being empathetic means that you’re willing and able to appreciate what the other person is going through.” On the flip-side, Peter Scazzaro, in The Emotionally Healthy Leader, describes the emotionally unhealthy leader as lacking “the capacity and skill to enter deeply into the feelings and perspectives of others. They carry these immaturities with them into their teams and everything they do.” Know either of these people? I know I do.
In our self-serving, self-promoting, self-endulgent, self-entitled society, we are a people not only desperate, but in need of empathy in such a determintal way that continued lack will ultimately lead to our own self-destruction. Operating in empathy is nothing short of paramount. Empathy enables us to not only be more like Christ, but allows us to love, serve and lead more effectively. It is then that God’s power will be released in greater measure, thereby transferring to and transforming those around us.
As I’ve watched Stan navigate through feelings of shock, disbelief, fear, ownership, determination and execution in regards to a diagnosis and all that it entails, I’ve been nothing short of amazed at the man God has given me. Stan didn’t want this challenge, nor did he ask for it with bad habits and lack of self-care. And although I can’t even begin to imagine every thought and feeling that he has been required to process, with the gift and utilization of empathy, I’ve been able to somewhat place myself within his shoes (or sandals these days), learning, growing, and ultimately partnering with him to a greater and more intimate degree. His ability and willingness to empathize with me, as well, has proven to be priceless, an unselfish and generous gift of love and care.
Although I consider myself easily able to empathize with others, earnestly praying for God to continually increase both my willingness and ability to empathize has been life-changing. As one who in the past considered, even professed, that I could never be a good care-giver, I’ve found a patience and joy in serving and assisting this man who loves me so well, in a way that I wouldn’t have thought myself capable. Listening, asking simple questions, and reminding myself of what Stan may be going through each day has proven invaluable in our connection, intimacy, and communication. Another valuable truth and lesson learned through a season of trial.
In transferring this to various aspects of life, whether it be marriage, church, ministry, or other relationships, how much more health, wholeness and effectiveness would we experience if we intentionally functioned from a place of empathy? Taking the time, asking questions, and placing ourselves in another’s shoes, could be the ultimate game changer.
As always, we cannot thank you enough for your love and prayers. Stan has had a great week! He continues to improve daily and we are so very thankful and encouraged. We are committed to doing our part spiritually, emotionally, nutritionally and physicially, in order to be ready for his echocardiogram on July 31st. As Stan always reminds me, “We’ll do everything we can as if it depends on us, knowing that ultimately it depends on Him.”
We love you!
Cammie (and Stan)
