Our Journey - What to Say to a Diagnosis

As of late, whether it be on paper, computer, or spoken, I’ve had difficulty with finding the proper words.  Articulate expression of my feelings and thoughts are lacking, especially when it comes to my conversations with God.  My brain has seemingly ceased producing my ability to communicate.  At times, I’m at a complete loss.

But I’m not discouraged, nor am I frustrated or afraid. Because sometimes there’s only one word that needs to be said.

This year’s been a challenging one, beginning with our youngest son sustaining a severe injury requiring several surgeries. Next came difficult challenges in both relationships and ministry.  Throughout this journey, I prayed, journaled, cried, begged, journaled some more, and talked to God as never before.  It’s been horrific and wonderful; intimate and scary; surreal and brutal.  There’s been great growth through the process - personally, in my marriage and family, and most importantly in my relationship with God.  With all sincerity, I can say that I’ve come to appreciate the fact that we grow the most through adversity.

Then just as things seemed to be settling down a bit and we felt we were catching our breath, we received a most unexpected diagnosis…involving my husband’s heart.  It was not on our radar and it shook us to our core…and it all began with a routine EKG.

If you know my husband, you know that this mighty man of mine has the biggest heart of anyone you’ll ever meet. You notice right away that he is a man of his word, of great integrity and character. His heart is both strong and kind, powerful and sensitive. He overflows with compassion, wisdom, strength, and authenticity.  He is the greatest truth speaker I know, and he’s never afraid to speak what is real. He’s a mentor to mentors and a father to fathers – possessing the heart of a valiant giant. “I wish you were my dad,” are words we often hear.

So to say this diagnosis was unexpected, completely off our radar even, is an understatement of grand proportions. The diagnosis is very serious and potentially life-threatening.  Immediate changes to lifestyle and diet have been made.  Doctor’s visits, medications, supplements, reading, more reading, and research are constant.  Books regarding heart heath cover our counters. As a unified team, we’ve devised and implemented a plan of attack - spiritually, physically, medically, emotionally, mentally and nutritionally – and with rest.  We’ve been busy…real busy.  We’ve entered into a season of “temporary disability” (doctor’s orders), using every moment to focus on getting well. Even though we’ve been given a diagnosis, we know God is the One Who determines the outcome. We will not be deterred, as God has the final say.

We’re contending and believing for Stan’s complete healing.  But we’ve also decided to take a course of action that may seem strange to many – we have decided that rather than run from or deny the pain, we’re leaning into the pain with everything we’ve got. Instead of blaming, we’re seeking out and praising God for what He is teaching us through this horrifyingly scary season.  Instead of denying, we’re asking God… “What are you up to? What can we learn from this experience? How can we get closer to You?” We are praising Him when the news is good, and praising Him more when the news is bad. We are discovering the beauty in the pain.

Each evening we sit and rehearse our day, thanking and praising God for the blessings.  Yesterday our biggest praise was that we had the most “normal” of days since we received the diagnosis.  We praised Him for a great doctor’s visit and encouraging news.  We thanked him for Stan’s three doctors communicating well with one another; for our home; for His provision; for improved sleep; and for the fact that we genuinely enjoy being with one another (good thing!).  The words flowed easily.

However later…when I tried to pray…the words didn’t flow as easily.  I stuttered…stammered even.  I couldn’t find the right way to express my heart.  “Jesus, help us,” was all that would come.  But I knew…that was enough.

I was reminded of a somewhat older worship song, “Let My Words be Few,” by Matt Redman, taken from Ecclesiastes 5:2:

You are God in heaven,
And here am I on earth,
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus I am so in love with You.

The eloquence or amount of our words are irrelevant, as sometimes, even most times, just saying the word “Jesus,” is enough. Declaring our love for Him takes care of it all. The name of Jesus covers absolutely every need.  It covers fears, anxieties, concerns, challenges, desires, hopes, and dreams.  It covers lack, inadequacies, hurts, and inabilities.  It covers relationships, needs, and even wants. It covers a diagnosis. The name of Jesus truly is more than enough. It covers anything and everything.

The name of Jesus covers my husband. The name Jesus is enough to recreate, renew, rebuild, restructure and restore my husband’s heart.  The name Jesus is enough to completely heal him – from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.

The name of Jesus is enough to make up for my temporary lack of words.  The name of Jesus knows what Stan and I need before we even need it.

The Name of Jesus is enough.

He’s enough for Stan and me.  He’s enough for you as well. Any and every need, whether it be a diagnosis or circumstance, challenge or tragedy. There’s no need to worry about eloquence, amount, or even the structure of our words. When we can’t seem to find the words to talk to God, all we need to do is relax, rest, and be reassured in the fact that saying the word “Jesus” is more than enough.  It truly is.