Forgiveness Isn't...

You know when you hear a word or a phrase, over and over? It seems you can’t escape it’s invasion into your space.  Author Margaret Feinberg describes this as a “Sacred Echo,” when God is trying to get your attention or get a point across. This very thing happened to me this past week.  The word I kept hearing?  “Forgiveness.”  First, I saw it in a letter someone had written.  Then I heard someone say it out loud. Then I heard an analogy about forgiveness. Finally, I clearly heard God’s voice…”Cammie, you haven’t really forgiven ________.”  Awesome.  Just awesome. I thought this account had been cleared.

So I did the only thing I could do.  I got down on my knees and did business. Literally. I asked God for His strength, then told Him I forgave ­_______.  I prayed. I even cried a little.  My heart felt a tad bit lighter and I realized I was back on track. I understand that I may need to do this over and over again, until my mind catches up with my heart.  The important thing is, I’m willing to do so, as I clearly understand that forgiveness

We’ve probably all heard that denying forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  However, when I heard it for like the millionth time this weekend, I was reminded of the toxicity of unforgiveness. I visualized it literally decaying my mind, soul, and spirit, eating away at my core. Keeping me from my destiny.  Obstructing my future. To be honest, it scared me a little. Thus the need to take care of business.

Things happen.  We are hurt, abused, betrayed, and neglected. Life’s hard.  We are required to forgive over and over again. When offenses occur, we know we should forgive.  We even know we need to forgive. We may even try to forgive.  However, if we know forgiveness is necessary, even beneficial, why is it so difficult to extend? Could we have a faulty understanding of not only what forgiveness is…but what it isn’t?

We think we know what forgiveness is. But do we understand what forgiveness isn't? Hopefully understanding what forgiveness isn’t will help us know what it is, allowing us to actually extend it, giving us a clearer understanding that will release us to give what was given to us.

1)  Forgiveness isn’t minimizing the seriousness of the offense.  God isn’t asking you to downplay what happened.  Neither does He want you to minimize the effects.  He knows how huge it was and He knows how badly you are hurt. He isn't going to downplay it either.

2)  Forgiveness doesn't demand reconciliation.  In order for forgiveness to happen, you don’t have to go to that person and restore the relationship.  Reconciliation requires two people…and that isn’t always possible.  On the other hand, forgiveness only requires one person – you – and that is possible. 

3)  Forgiveness isn’t about doing what’s fair. If it was fair, we’d be in a mess, because God would never have forgiven us, would He? We’d have to pay for our own sins. There was nothing fair about Jesus paying for what any of us have done.  

4)  Forgiveness doesn’t involve extending trust.  Forgiveness and trust are two very different animals.  You can extend forgiveness without trusting the person who hurt you.  Some people are not trustworthy and may never be trustworthy.

5)  Forgiveness isn’t impossible. God has told us that all things are possible with Him – ALL. This includes forgiveness.  He’s a good Father who wants His children to walk in freedom, and He knows that in order to do so, we must forgive. He will both enable and equip you to forgive. He won't require us to do it all alone.

C.S. Lewis once said, “To be a Christian means that I forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in me.”  Forgiveness isn’t giving someone what they deserve.  It’s giving them what they need.  Just like Jesus gave us what we needed when we were dying in our own sin.  Out of His love, He extended something to us that only He could…forgiveness.

Who do you need to forgive?  Ask Him.  I promise, if you listen, He’ll let you know.  Forgiveness is both necessary and possible.  It’s in our best interest. It helps us become more like Christ. It removes obstacles between us and God. And it enables us to walk in freedom – the freedom which Christ came to bring, through extending forgiveness to us.