Women - You Can't Have It Both Ways

I have to begin by saying, I’m a firm believer in agreeing to disagree.  It’s when we demand others see things our way that we show major cracks in our confidence and intelligence.

I am also a big believer in the fact that I don’t have to respect your opinion – but I MUST respect you as a person.  I also must respect your right to your own opinion.  Isn’t that what maturity is all about?

So…having said all that…I don’t think I can ignore what happened today.

I don’t “wake” my phone up each morning until I’ve done three things – have two cups of coffee, spend time with God, and read my Bible. If I miss any of these, I’m not who I want to be.  This morning was no different.  That being said, as soon as I completed my routine today, I opened up Facebook.  Wow! Like most of America, I witnessed a great display of complaints about the Super Bowl Halftime Show.  In that my husband and I didn’t watch the Super Bowl (we don’t care about sports – please don’t judge us), I immediately Googled the event to watch it for myself. 

WOWZA.

My honest thoughts?  Sadness, frustration, anger, more sadness, exasperation, and more sadness.  All in that order.  I was even more shocked at the comments of women, many who I know claim to hold godly values, cheering the duo on for “rocking it” and “showing how good 50 can look.” (That being said, I still love all of you…but really?). It was anything but empowering. It was destructive to every woman that wants to be respected and valued.

I went on to notice a FB post of a very wise friend, Cindy Fahy (CA radio talk-show host and overall mother and marriage advice guru) as follows:

“Women of America – you are on my mind. I just watched the Super Bowl Halftime Show, cringing in embarrassment and a deep-seated sorrow as two women mercilessly sexualized and demeaned themselves in front of billions in the name of “entertainment.” Women, we can’t have it both ways – we can’t scream foul for unwanted sexual attention and turn and applaud the porn and disrespect of women we have all just been subjected to.  Where is the outcry from women against this?  J Lo and Shakira – shame on you.  You’ve just backhanded your sisters in the worst possible way.”

In that I COMPLETELY agreed with Cyndi’s thoughts, I reposted her comments.  I was completely unprepared for what happened next, as it was both reassuring and disturbing.  Reassuring in that many voiced concern for the double-standard that many women have embodied. Disturbing in that many ignorantly debated – making claims that the Latino culture is being misunderstood, that these women should be able to show off their sexy bodies, that the production was empowering, and that “most of these negative comments are being made by middle-aged white women.”  

Well can I just say…it’s middle age white women (as well as women of all ages, all over the world) who have suffered the pain of pornography and the dehumanization and objectification of women…women who have been sexually assaulted and who have been dismissed as not being seen for their intelligence or contribution. Women who have been told they aren’t “perfect enough,” as they have been compared to images that aren’t even real.  Women who have been forced to watch pornography and “perform” like the women in videos would. Women who have lost all self-worth because they’ve been told and subsequently mistakenly believed that they are not pretty enough, young enough, skinny enough or sexy enough. Women who have endure their marriages disintegrating. So, yes, it’s us making those comments.  Not because we’re ignorant, jealous, fat or unattractive – but because we know hypocrisy never works. You can’t yell “foul”, then be appalled when men objectify you.

WOMEN – WAKE UP!!!!  It’s not about being able to prove to the world that you’re sexy!  It’s not about showing yourself off because you believe it’s empowering!!  It’s not even about showing what you can do when you’re 50!!! When we reduce ourselves to function in these methods of self-validation – the exact opposite is the result.  We invite others to objectify, dehumanize, and criticize.  We disrespect ourselves, reducing our worth to mere appearance. We invite unhealthy men to tell us we’re less than we are.  We invite true intimacy to be destroyed in our relationships. We become hypocrites.  We lose our voice.

WOMEN - WE CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS!   

If we want to be respected…REALLY respected.  We first must respect ourselves.  No one is going to do it for us. It begins with you.

Let’s show our daughters what true beauty is – confidence, assurance and value in ourselves and who we want to be. Let’s show our sons how a healthy woman behaves and respects herself and how she should be valued. As I used to tell my sons when they were younger – “Truly confident girls aren’t afraid to cover up. They don’t need counterfeit attention.”

Let’s not be hypocrites.  Let’s be honest, authentic, worthy women.  Let’s not buy into the ignorant crap that is being sold to us.  You want men to respect you?  Respect yourself.