Is Wounded Worship What He Had in Mind?
The worship music is playing. The hearts, minds, and arms of those around you are extended in praise. Yet, you manage to find yourself struggling to engage; to "feel" it; to even flat out participate. Has this ever happened to you? I know it has me. It's at these times that your desire to offer heartfelt worship to the One you love seems much too inadequate. Your mind tells you to “get over it,” but your heart, or even your body for that matter, won’t let you. Worship doesn’t seem to make sense as it did in the past, and if you indeed muster the strength to raise your arms in praise, you chastise yourself for being completely counterfeit. The question of whether or not worship counts when you feel like it’s not 100% endorsed from the heart, brings into question every previous worship experience you've ever had. And if all that isn’t enough, you contemplate whether or not God even sees, hears or accepts your worship, as it’s imperfection and defectiveness seem to outweigh any possible authenticity.
We’ve all been there. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you haven’t, you will. At some time in our lives, we hit a time or season when life seems to take over, overwhelming us and seemingly pushing the very breath out of our worship. The fear of offering imperfect worship can produce a paralyzing disqualification that not only disables your voice, arms, and heart in their attempt to extend themselves towards Heaven, but attempts to hit you at your core, disqualifying your very position as a Child of God. You’re convinced your worship isn’t good enough – it’s defective. In fact, it’s wounded – completely unacceptable.
I found myself at this very place in our worship services this weekend.
As I mentioned in previous articles, literally minutes into this New Year, our family was handed a challenge of unimaginable proportions. I realize I’ve been somewhat cryptic in the communication of these events, as we are not yet distanced enough to tell the story. My hope is to fill you in soon. What I can tell you now is that the description of “extremely challenging” doesn’t seem to do these past five weeks justice.
Regardless, we have been amazed at all that God has and is continuing to do. We’ve seen Him work in ways that are completely undeniable. He’s taken seemingly impossible circumstances and transformed them into victories. He has loved us, walked beside us, brought healing and restoration, and revealed Himself. My personal times with Him, especially through journaling, have been priceless and intimate – sweet even. My worship of Him has been expansive, as I write my gratefulness and thankfulness on paper each day. My prayers have been on-point and focused – quite the feat for this ADHD girl.
Yet, for whatever reason, this hasn't translated in the area of corporate praise and worship – singing, raising my hands, acknowledging His greatness out loud. Honestly, I've been struggling. When attempting to overcome these obstacles, I find that my arms feel like lead and my voice vanishes into weakness and inability. In describing this to my husband, he replied, “You’ve lost your song.” Yeah, something like that.
However, I’ve decided this is a great place to be – in this struggle with my wounded worship. It's the perfect opportunity for God to pour out His transforming power. It's the exact atmosphere for Him to breathe life back into both my worship and praise as only He can. It's that point of desperation meeting supernatural intervention, turning everything upside down.
When honesty overtakes our desire to deny the situation in which we find ourselves – that of being unable – what seems hopeless is actually our being positioned for Divine Intervention, taking us from destitution and frustration to freedom and expression. The inception of this transformation, however, requires something from us that only we can offer…our wounded worship.
Offering wounded worship begins with both acknowledgement and confession of our present state – “I’m struggling, God. I’m hurting. I feel I have no energy, ability, or heart to offer You.” This offering further progresses with obedience – the raising of our hands, overcoming the resistance to allow the false sensation of paralyzed limbs, quieting the voice in our head that tells us that we're fake, to hold us down. The engagement of our voices, despite the shakiness, hoarseness, emotion or fear of hypocrisy, frees our body, soul and spirit to acknowledge God’s greatness. Victory is then complete when human limitations are superseded by the power that is released as my wounded worship reaches the ears of God Himself. It is then that, despite initial hesitation, I am completely free to connect with Him in a way that only praise and worship can provide. My wounded worship has been transformed into the perfect and acceptable offering I wished to give.
When I offer what I perceive as wounded, imperfect, less-than worship, it is then that the most perfect and beautiful of offerings are made. With this in mind, could this be what He had in mind all along – my offering something very flawed and imperfect to a Holy perfect God, perfectly displaying our human state of imperfection, which only He, in His perfection, can transform?
So the next time you feel you can’t – know that you can. Wounded worship is effective worship. It’s saturated with humility, honesty and sincerity, void of showmanship and performance. It’s loving and its kind. It's what we have to give, so let’s not hold it back. Perhaps it’s what He had in mind all along.
