What's it Like Being Married to Me?
Something was different in our home. It didn’t feel quite the same. What was it? Whereas most often our home is a place of energy and fun, it seemed that as soon as I stepped through the door, utter and complete exhaustion enveloped me in such a way that all I wanted to do was sit, stare at the TV, and vegetate. I told my husband, “For the next 24 hours, I don’t want to speak to another living human, except you. I’ve completely run out of words. I have nothing left for anyone.” How long has it been since we last laughed, anyway? And why does he seem a bit grumpy?! Hummm….something definitely wasn’t right.
I seemed to have arrived at a destination, not even realizing I was on a trip. When did things get so dull, tired…routine? Where’s the pizazz? Where’s the fun? Why’s everyone so sensitive? What can I do to make it right again?
I force myself to ask a personal question that may seem completely unrelated to the situation, but in reality, can hold the key to returning things to where they should be. This question requires humility, extreme honesty, and a great deal of introspection and willingness to take responsibility. It holds the power to unlock doors to a happier marriage, a more satisfied spouse, and a life-filled home. What’s it like being married to me?
Recently, God has taken me on a journey of discovering the importance of JOY at a deeper level. What is it exactly? How important is it? Does it hold any real power? Is it a feeling, an attitude, or is it a force? How much does my level of joy affect others? If I have too much of it, will I be reduced to a silly little giggling girl? If I don’t have enough of it, am I completely ineffective? How much does it affect my marriage, leadership and other relationships?
Up to this point, if I am to be honest, I don’t think I’ve given JOY the thought nor the credit that it deserves. I’ve known its essential, but I’ve somewhat limited it to an attitude, position or stance. Although I’ve known that true joy is complete contentment and security found in Christ in the midst of any and all situations and circumstances, I’ve negated its strength and influence in absolutely everything I am and do.
Joy holds within it a mighty power, as it’s a spiritual force that defeats any and all foes, whether they be circumstantial, spiritual or even seemingly human. Joy is one of the greatest tools that can be used in spiritual battles, as we know that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the ruler, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 12). Joy actually empowers us, as the “joy of the Lord is our strength.” We can be “anointed with the joy of gladness.” (Heb. 1:9). It is a component of the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). Joy is so important that it’s mentioned up to 218 times in the Bible, depending upon the translation.
Joy is also a powerful force in our leadership – whether we’re leading others in the workplace, our churches, or most importantly in our homes. Joy is especially important in our marriages. For way too many years, I placed the responsibility of joy in our home at the feet of my husband, expecting him to set the right atmosphere, when in actuality, joy is my responsibility. I am to look only to myself – asking God to literally anoint me with joy, equipping me and allowing Him to permeate the atmosphere of my home, work, church, and everywhere else I place my feet.
Joy strengthens everyone it touches. It motivates, equips, leads, strengthens, encourages, reveals, inspires and enables. When we are truly living out and functioning as the person God has created us to be – we are overflowing with joy. Joy brings life and laughter, peace and maturity, contentment and strength.
Teams, families, marriages and relationships are led and function in one of two ways – joy or fear. Joy remains our deepest need and most powerful motivation, especially in our homes. It gives life, releases potential, and births ability. It positions us, as well as those around us, for success. Fear, on the other hand, although possibly propelling those around us to “get the job done,” births nothing less than aggression, anger, resentment and trepidation, positioning others for discouragement, fatigue, and failure.
As I continue to think about the answer to “What’s it like being married to me?” I find myself also asking “What’s it like being my child?” “What’s it like being led by me?” “What’s it like being on my team?” And of course, “What’s it like being my friend?” Do I bring or extract joy? Do I encourage and motivate? Do I help to set others up for success? Am I inspirational? Do I care? It is then that I can get honest with myself and God, asking for His help and His transformation. It is then that I can change and become the wife, mother, leader and friend that I was originally created to be - one who gives life instead of one who leaves those I love feeling lifeless. It is then that I am transformed into someone who loves well.
May we all comprehend the importance of joy. I pray we take not only our God-given responsibility, but our God-given honor and privilege of bringing joy into our marriages, homes, work-places, churches and relationships. I pray we don’t wait on others, but bravely create the atmosphere of joy ourselves, through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. I pray we make a difference and that our marriages thrive, succeed and grow. And I pray that when we ask ourselves the question, “What’s it like being married to me, led by me, parented by me, or my friend?” that we can honestly answer, “It’s pretty good! I’m loving well!”
As always, it’s within our power to make a difference. We can do this.
