When Our Guilt and Shame is Our Own Fault

I don’t want to start out on the negative, but if I asked you to recall a time when you knowingly did wrong, resulting in extreme guilt and shame, you’d be able to identify the offense(s) right away, wouldn’t you?  Trust me, when I asked myself this question, I remembered my top five in about ten seconds flat, resulting in my shoulders and hands actually tensing, as I recalled not only the pain inflicted upon myself, but others.  Memories of extreme guilt and shame were close behind, causing me to ask the question...what am I going to do with this?

This all resulted from my reading the story of Peter’s denial of Jesus, once again, causing me to literally cringe for poor Peter.  I somewhat relate to this man and his quirky ways. Peter was passionate, outspoken, fickle, a bit obnoxious, and enthusiastic – kind of a bull in a china shop. He was both a leader and a follower.  He was strong in his beliefs, but could also be easily swayed by others. I believe he felt things to a greater depth than most.  He could be argumentative, even delusional, at times.  Simply put…he was the Jewish version of a Southern Redneck.  Hence, any resemblance I may feel.

Like a great many of us, Peter genuinely loved Jesus.  He wasn’t just a casual follower, but an “I’m all in” type of guy.  He wanted all that Jesus had to offer.  When Jesus wanted to wash his feet, Peter refused. Jesus’s response? If he didn’t allow Him to wash his feet, he could “have no part of Him,” to which Peter boldly stated, “Then, Lord, don’t just wash my feet, but my hands and my head as well!” The guy didn't mess around.

So what went wrong? How could this enthusiastic, passionate man, when put under a bit of pressure, cave and deny that he didn’t even know Jesus, the One he enthusiastically declared was “The Christ, the Son of the living God”?  Under all that perceived strength and loyalty, was he just a big wuss?  Did he intend to throw Jesus under the proverbial bus all along?

Jesus was fully aware Peter would be taking a walk on the dark side, blatantly denying Him, as well as any association he ever had with Him, out of pure fear and cowardice.  He even warned Peter that he’d do it. I think back to times when I’ve experienced betrayal. If I would have known what was coming, I’m pretty sure I’d have cut off the source ASAP!  But Jesus didn’t cut Peter out of His life. So, why did He allow Peter to make such a huge mistake – a mistake that is still talked about today?

Perhaps it was because of His unsurmountable love for Peter, knowing that if he allowed Peter to endure this huge failure, he would come out the other side having learned a lesson that couldn't have been learned otherwise, resulting in exponential growth, sensitivity and maturity, positioning him for his future.  Maybe He needed to heal and grow Peter’s character, much like He does our own, in a way that only self-disappointment, shame and guilt, could propel the needed change to take place.

As I asked earlier, think about a time(s) when you did something that evoked disappointment of catastrophic proportions, not only in others, but more importantly, in yourself.  Could it be that when such a self-assault occurs, as with Peter, a grand opportunity is placed before us?

In our recollection of our failures, we all know we can become stuck and paralyzed in the shame and guilt, allowing it to stop us dead in our tracks, even causing us to go backward, as we allow the failure of our past to dictate the disappointment of our future.  But if we accept the same path Jesus offered to our friend Peter, could He also use our failures to set us up for the growth, discovery, and redemption we so desperately need, propelling us into our future?  When such opportunities occur, most often it’s painful, messy, embarrassing and disappointing…but if we follow the course to redemption that He puts before us, and “work the program,” just like Peter, I believe we are then poised for our future in a way that we wouldn’t have been otherwise.  By following Redneck Peter’s example, allowing our guilt and shame to point us towards Jesus, we’ve won. 

The beauty of this redemptive story is exemplified when, after His resurrection, Jesus invites Peter to eat with Him by the fire. I can only imagine how Peter must have felt when he was asked to sit with Jesus…much like when we were kids and we knew we had really messed up, dreading the tongue lashing and consequences that were coming. The weight of his shame and guilt must have been unbearable.  He must have been scared out of his wits, imagining the spiritual whooping that was forthcoming!

But as they sat together, during an intimate time of emotional and spiritual connection, Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him.  “You know I love you,” Peter responds, possibly wondering if Jesus didn’t believe him. Jesus responds by simply saying, “Feed my sheep.”  It is at this very moment that Jesus REINSTATES Peter to the position and mission created for him earlier, when Jesus told Peter, “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church.”  Jesus had grand plans for Peter all along, despite knowing his future failure.  At that moment he both healed and empowered Peter, releasing him into his destiny.   But this wouldn’t have happened, had Peter not chosen to sit with Jesus.

So our guilt and shame?  Jesus wants the same for us.  We just need to take our cue from Peter, choosing to sit with Jesus, allowing Him to heal, forgive and restore us to the plans He’s had for each of us all along. We need to take the time to listen, receive and understand what we need to do to change our course. We also need to give Jesus our time, as we nurture the intimate relationship with us that He desires. The choice is ours.  We have much more power than we think – power that is best utilized by taking a seat…with Jesus.