Saying Goodbye to the Voices in Your Head - 4 Steps to Shut Them Up.
In the continual pursuit to discover the beauty of SLOW in 2022, I’ve decided to conquer my perceived inability to slow, cease, and recalibrate to a pace that is contrary to the frenetic pace that I’ve maintained my entire life which beckons me to finish first, make “it” happen, and God forbid, not allow someone else to be faster and more efficient than me.
My soul is tired and is crying out for change.
This mission comes as the result of realizing I’ve missed a great deal of my life – much like driving to a destination, only to realize upon arrival, I remember absolutely nothing about the journey. What scenery did I miss? What beauty did I neglect to see along the way? What emotion did I shove down and fail to explore? This journey has necessitated great challenge and difficulty, joy and pain, peace and fear, and a good bit of frustration.
Navigating our way through this ever-increasing speed-of-lightening culture without losing our very soul prompts the question…why do we run from slow? Why do we neglect the parts of our being crying out to feel, reflect, heal, rest, listen and hear? Have we bought into the lie that slow is bad? Are we afraid of it? Or could it be that the voices bellowing the lie that slowing down is a clear indication of laziness, incompetence, and/or slothfulness, fuel this dysfunctional love affair of speed for which our culture pats us on the back and throws a party in our honor?
Weeks ago, while mustering as much vulnerability as possible, I admitted to my husband that every time I attempt to slow down, this loud, accusing voice rises up within me. “You’re lazy!” it shouts. Shame and second-guessing immediately ensue, preventing me from making changes or stepping into slow and restoration.
“Cammie, that voice is your dad.”
It all came into focus.
My father was an extremely driven individual. He had endless energy, and he was determined and disciplined. Being a fellow Enneagram 8 myself, the territory upon which we connected was commonality of energy, determination, and hard work. We understood one another. We spoke a common language when it came to life and moving through the world. Although far from perfect, I respected him greatly and found great pride in being his daughter. His premature death at the age of 59 left a huge hole in my heart, resulting in wondering who in my family would understand me now?
It’s funny how the best part of us can also be the worst part of us. I see it all the time in Coaching and Spiritual Direction. The very commonality that caused my dad and I to connect, also encouraged grand disfunction. Neither one of us knew when to stop, consistently pushing ourselves, and sometimes others, to the brink of exhaustion. We both possessed the ability to “run over others,” while being oblivious to what we’d done. And finding a great deal of our identity in being the person who “could get things done” certainly didn’t help. This prevented us from experiencing a deeper intimacy with both God and others, as we zoomed through life at a speed unconducive to relationship.
I could no longer deny the Holy Spirit’s prompting to change, compelling me to lay down my need for speed, not to mention pride and misplaced identity, at the feet of Jesus.
I want to experience slow. I want to bask in its beauty. I want to connect with God, myself, and others in a way that provides opportunity for intimacy and love.
I know the first order is business is making the voices stop and cease, saying goodbye to the familiar companions that push and compel me to go fast, embracing the Holy Spirit and His pace for my life.
Do you relate? Are you asking how does one do this? How do you get the voices to stop? Below are FOUR STEPS I have implemented that not only assist me in embracing the beauty of slow, but have greatly helped me recalibrate to the truth of what is healthy and good. I believe they can help you as well!
First – Identify…Who Said That???
Whose voice are you hearing? Who from your past threw out the same accusations that are flooding your thoughts and feelings? Who placed expectations upon you to be busy all the time? Perhaps it was a parent, sibling, teacher, or other authority figure? It can also be an institution such as a church or school. Maybe it was someone who teased you as a child or berated you in an abusive relationship? Whoever or whatever it was – call the voices out!
Second – Tell the Voice to Shut Up!
Declare you will no longer listen to the lies and accusations. Tell them to shut (the hell) up! When identifying those all too familiar accusations such as “You’re lazy!” or “If you lie around, you’re going to get fat and slothful!” I began to verbally reject them, sometimes out loud - literally voicing “Dad, I love you. But I’m an adult now. I chose to no longer listen to you in this area.” Or “You may have teased me in school for ________. Their accusations were not true and I am choosing to no longer believe them!” It was if I had to take a moment to remind myself that I was no longer a child and I could chose who I would or would not listen to.
Third – Replace the Lie with the Truth.
Just calling out the lie only empowers you halfway. After calling out the lie or accusation, we need to replace it with a truth. In my case, I would follow up with - “I am not lazy. And it’s good to take care of myself. I am being wise by giving myself a break and getting proper rest. I chose wisdom.”
Fourth (and final) – Do the thing!
Whatever it is – do it – whether it is resting, slowing, doing something for enjoyment…whatever it is that the voice tried to prevent you from doing – make it happen. Enjoy it! Get comfortable with taking care of yourself. Remember – self care isn’t selfish. It’s saying, “Me too!” Rest! Relax! Slow down! Notice the scenery around you! By shanking off the shackles of bondage of past beliefs, you’ve stepping into victory!
I hope these insights and suggestions provide you with some great tools to help you in your pursuit of the BEAUTY OF SLOW. I pray that as you go through your days, you recognize and step into this new way of living that will allow you to see, feel, listen and hear the beauty around you.
Thank you for reading! Should you have thoughts or comments, I’d love to hear them!
