Women and Pornography - An Honest Conversation

I would like to talk to talk specifically to all of the Ladies today, however, Men, please read on, as I really want to hear your thoughts on this matter.  What I have to say will very possibly either cause you to go “Yes!” or “Cammie, you’re crazy!” Whatever the outcome, as I used to tell my kids when they were younger, “I love you enough to make you mad at me.”

As you may know, I’m not one to claim there’s a demon around every corner or in every bush, as I believe we already give the enemy way too much credit. However, Scripture clearly states that there is an enemy who seeks to “steal, kill and destroy.” I love Genesis 4:6-7, which both warns and empowers us in our battle against sin, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”  We have been given the ability to resist the enemy as we master and control sin, rather than sin controlling us. However, this requires always being on alert, as sin is birthed in the heart, progresses through a thought, then manifests in the form of an action.

So where is this going?  Well, here we go…I am so incredibly sick of society, through the prompting and fueling of the enemy, conditioning, positioning and poising us for destruction through the seemingly “innocent” act of enabling and fueling us to lust after men. There!  I said it!  Over the past few years, I have observed an escalation and intensity of the enemy to rewire, recondition and reconstruct our minds and the way we view men.  I’m sick of it!  And the sad thing is, it’s becoming more and more acceptable – ESPECIALLY IN THE CHRISTIAN REALM.  Although romance novels have always been an issue, causing us to fantasize about that perfect man that doesn’t exist, resulting in setting the men in our lives up for failure, we now have a much larger battle to fight.  It’s time to wake up. We have a problem.

Since the beginning of time, pornography has mostly been a man issue.  We’ve all seen the destruction and bondages that result, ultimately ruining marriages, families, and lives.  Over the years, Stan and I have counseled countless couples whose marriages have disintegrated due to this addiction – men comparing their wives to something that isn’t real, women feeling rejected and devalued, and relationships being ruined. The availability of pornography on the internet has only strengthened its grip.

But it’s no longer just a battle for men. Last night, as I watched a detective drama, as in most shows, what I call the “token” nude-from-the-waist-up man displaying perfect abs and pectorals appeared.  I think what frustrated me the most is that it took me longer than it would have in the past to respond negatively, as I’ve become almost immune. I thought to myself, seriously, can’t we get through one show without seeing a naked chest?! 

I realize this may seem incredibly innocent to most, and that’s what bothers me. Coupled with the onslaught of graphic images we now see on a daily basis “objectifying” the male body, is it not obvious what is going on?  First, we are being “groomed,” as a child is by a pedophile, becoming more and more accustomed, viewing it as acceptable.  Secondly, we are endorsing the very same thing that we have complained about for years – the objectification of our bodies.  Goodness, one episode of Dancing with the Stars alone will prove my point!

We are being conditioned to no longer see men as the God-given gift that they are, but as objects, viewed to be seen as something that is only for our pleasure!  Have you seen the Liquid Plummer commercial where the man with perfect abs comes to “snake” the woman’s drain????  Good grief!  It’s a drain cleaner for goodness sake!!!!  And don’t even get me going about Magic Mike and 50 Shades of Gray. We’ll be here all day!  And the pathetic thing is…we’re falling for it…hook, line and sinker.

“But, Cammie, is it really that serious?  I mean, we’re just talking about bare chests here. It’s really not a big deal!”  But it is a big deal!  The more we feed this “desire”; the more we participate in the reconditioning of our brain chemistry; the greater and more powerful the desire will become; ultimately creating an insatiable need for more and more. Our dismissing it as “innocent,” ultimately results in our hearts being reconditioned, turning to stone, bit by bit. What women have cried, fretted, and lost all self-worth over in regards to the bondage and destruction caused by pornography in men’s lives, will become true in our own lives as well. 

And may I say…Do we really want to start thinking with our va-jay-jays instead of our brains? (Gasp! Yes, I said it!)  Are we going to stand guilty of doing the same thing that we’ve accused our male counterparts of doing for years? Recent statistical studies show that 1 in 6 women now admit to having an addiction to pornography and that online viewership has tripled, continuing to increase at an alarming rate.  Could it all have started with being enamored with seeing a half-naked man, then desiring just a bit more, allowing sin to be master? 

Although I wish I could do much of my parenting over differently, one of the things I know we did right was talk very candidly about pornography with our boys.  We discussed the bondages, hindrances, and pitfalls. We described how it would cause them to be dissatisfied with their future wives, ultimately denying them of a fulfilling sex life. Believe me, that last part caught their attention!  We allowed them to ask questions, and we answered the best we could.

But it’s no longer just a discussion that needs to happen with just boys. The Journal of Adolescent Research has stated that 49 percent of young women agree that viewing pornography is an acceptable way of expressing one’s sexuality. Forty-five percent say they started “habitually and compulsively” watching pornography or engaging in cybersex between the ages of 13-17.  This battle has become very real for our girls.

We can no longer ignore the sin that is crouching at our door, my friends.  The time to admit that there is a problem has arrived. We need to guard our hearts, disabling sin and putting to death the potential of it manifesting through a sinful action that we will most certainly regret. We need to stop “winking” at this issue, dismissing it as innocent fun.  It’s not innocent.

If you are struggling with this issue, please know, I am not condemning.  Sin is sin - despite the type. We all sin and none of us can judge. We all need help and forgiveness with something. A great saying is "It's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way." God has help, deliverance and freedom for each of us - if we'll take it.  If you would like for me to give you more information, please ask. I'd love to help in any way that I possibly can.

If we do not master sin, and teach our children to do the same, it will surely master us. To do so is a choice we need to make up front, rather than in the midst of a crisis caused by our own sinful choices.  Let’s protect ourselves and our hearts.  Let’s raise a standard of holiness out of our love for Jesus.  Let’s make a difference.

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