This week I experienced a moment in which doubt attempted to make its ugly way into my thoughts, stealing my peace, and changing my course on this journey of faith and transformation
This past Thursday we received the long-awaited update regarding Stan’s healing and progress. Prior to the follow-up, I found myself fantasizing about how I would deliver the good news to everyone. I imagined posting a picture of Stan holding up his Life Vest, with the caption, “Thank God Almighty He’s Free at Last!”
Obviously, to say waiting has been a life-long struggle for me, is a grand understatement. It’s as if I’ve placed myself in the position of judge and jury, determining the speed and direction in which everyone or everything around me should move - even God Himself. When non-movement is the perceived response, judgmentalism can ensue, causing me to be frustrated with the world and God alike. Although I am sure there are “groups” for people like me, please tell me I’m not the only one!
“Oh great!” I thought, as I’d never considered intercession to be one of my spiritual gifts. “I’m too ADHD for that, God! You understand, don’t You?!” Up to that point, my prayer life most often consisted of brief moments taken whenever prayer happened to came to mind. Looking back, I believe I had almost taken a stance of apathy, as I convinced myself that I should leave the really serious battle-fighting prayers to those who had been given this gift.
As I’ve watched Stan navigate through feelings of shock, disbelief, fear, ownership, determination and execution in regards to a diagnosis and all that it entails, I’ve been nothing short of amazed at the man God has given me. Stan didn’t want this challenge, nor did he ask for it with bad habits and lack of self-care.
After 25 plus years of consistently reading God’s Word, it never ceases to amaze me how you can read a particular scripture countless times, only to have it resurface in a new and powerful light, impacting you with a truth that is not only encouraging, but can sometimes shake you to your core, causing you to do some drastic re-evaluation. Such an occurrence reinforces the truth that His Word is living and active, never diminishing, and ever empowering
Recently I was a bit taken back when I came across Proverbs 27:8: “Like a bird that wanders from its nest, is a man who wanders from his place,” prompting the question…What is my place, Lord? What is my place when the terrain which normally seems so predictable, yet productive, looks completely different, causing me to scratch my head in bewilderment?